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Joeyerz
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Country: Canada
State: British Columbia
Birthday: 12/12/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: mm.. eat sleep tv comp hang out gamin.. eat sleep tv comp hang out gamin.. eat sleep tv comp hang out gamin.. oh and ANIME!! oh yah!!!
Expertise: mm... can i say none? =P i admit! i confess!! I SUCK!! u dont have to be so.... MEAN!!! i just wanted to hide that fact...='(*whine*
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/15/2003
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| recently.. a few things have been constantly plaguing my mind.. corrrection: wat little bit of my mind that's left if any.
weirdly.. whenever i think about these topics.. such things come up:
'those were the days' (by mary hopkins) , peter pan, old songs in
general, .. and i somehow can't remmeber all of a sudden but i swear
they've been stuck in my head for the longest time.
it's reallie quite weird how such irrelevant yet slightly related things just pop into my head so fast = =.
a few days ago, i went back to pg and quilchena to visit some teachers
with gubbie. pg apparently was out already so psh that. but when
we went to quilchena, (although they diiiid have a carnival that day so
we wouldn'tve seen the ppl i wanted to see anyways), apparently my
favorite people had all left all of a sudden for a new school. to
many people, it's a comon thing.. like.. i dont care? so? elementary?
why would i go back? kinda thing. but to me it's a bigger shock
somehow. infact, being told that they left, i was put from a
relatively good mood.. down to the dumps. even playing on swings
wasn't fun that day. infact, all it did was bring back nostalgic
memories of my grandparents which made me happpy but even sadder at the
same time. it was then that i thought of mary hopkins' song,
'those were the days'.
next, the other day i went to i thikn coles for a peek and happened to
find cheap chheap novels.. *cough*peterpan**cough*wizardofoz*cough*...
i went into a phase of obsession that was most likely led by jealousy
now that i think about it. i came to be quite jealous of peter
pan and the lost boys. even hook, smee and the rest of the crew
to be honest. why do they get to stay in never never land and not
have to grow up? why do they get to have so much fun? (of course, while
i'm thikning this,, i woudln't think about how fortunate i am myself..
because i'm being jealous =P) ... so i went into a state of.. ERK-ness
if you knw what i mean.
as to what led me to even start comparing with peter pan?... post
grad. does anyone know wha they're up to post grad? i thought i
did. i didnt for the longest time.. but then... i thought i got it. i
reallie did. but once again, i think i underestimated life and
what it brings--problems, problems, and more problems. and
thinking about these problems.. it somehow.. and i wont mention how...
relates to my dad. (not to mention... when will i ever grad
anyways? i'm losing site of what i'm supposed to do)
this brings back a topic a while back durin winter break. i was
super extremely pissed at my dad for something he said and the time,
place, reason, way he said it. i reallie was quite upset.
the most important part of the convo (at least to put here)... would be
the part where he told me 'cant you just not talk? everything you say
is so pointless and bad to the ear! since i've been back, i've heard
nothing good from you! 'say a sentence less'!!" i was so upset, i
decided.. fine. i'll take it literally and i stopped talking to him for
a few days. i wasn't extremely cut off or anythig.. just i
wouldn't start. i decided i'd tell him 2 things. 1 that i wanted him to
know what he said was over the line. and 2 you're the one who told me
to 'stop talking' so dont expect me to start talking to you now'.
it's not like i wanted him to apologize, but its not like thefirst time
he's said something along those lines, and this time it was just
harsher, the tone of it and every other aspect of it.. they were all
very harsh and it felt like.. he meant for me to shut up and get out of
his face.
what i didn't realize though, was that he would only notice the part
that i'm not talking to him and that he would misinterpret it as i'm
'mad' at him. he therefore was in a grumppier mood than he
already was and so when i finally decided to talk again(still within
the same day) he said the same thing again. this time.. iwas just
like.. fuck this. and i stopped reallie talking to him for days.
normally, i try to talk to him or do something with him when he's home,
but this time i dind't want to at all. it felt like a whole month
had passed within those days. however, it was because of this
irresponsible act of mine, that i felt very ashamed of myself.
not only did i not realize it, but mom had to point it out to me.
i guess it's always been a bit obvious that i'm not tooo cllose to my
dad, but i guess not talking to him made it a bit too exaggarated or
something.. but mom had been trying to tell me 'that's your dad no
matter what and you shoudn't stay mad at him' every time i said
soethign like 'i'm still mad about ____' when i'm realie not mad, i
just dont like what he did and wanted to complain a little. But
as my mom was outside of this argument, she finally told me the entire
thing about why he was anal even when i started talking again
etc. for this i felt so ashamed and pissed at myself i almost
cried. i never meant to make my daddie unhappy. i just wanted him
to realize. yet i know that's over now, but i'll remember, that
what i did, was irresponsible, selfish, and immature.
for the past 2-3 weeks, i've thought of myself as inconsiderate to the
extreme. i've been bothered by a few other things on top of it,
and i've been lost again. not only do i feel ashamed of myself, i
feel selfish, self-centered and immature. childish vs
immature. i'd choose childish, but i've been immature and i'm highly
ashamed of myselft.
as well, my goal after grad... is to go to cal inst of arts for
animation. the problem though, is how much it'sgonna cost. due to
reasons i wont state why, i feel that it isn't fair for me to ask for
my parents to support me financially through this. i know they
probably would. but just knowing that is enough. i'm happy with knowing
just that. but for them to support me through this, they'd have
to give up too much and it's just not fair. and plus, it's not
like its a stable field. what if it doesnt' work out? tons of
questions pop through my head and lately, i've decided to upgrade my
goal. originaly it was to work and saveup for whatever that i can pay
off for post grad myself. but now i'm thinking.. its time for me to
find a full time wheni grad. i'm gona need to work hard and save
up all i get and then go for cia. but you know? i have a feeling
its' over 7000 a sem. not to mention supplies and all, how the
HELL am i supposed to earn enough to get me through another
bachelors? things like this.. wont leave me alone...
there's still so much going on in my head... just so much... though i'm
sure. everyone else prolly has just as much if not more.. .. but just,
so much.
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| yesterday~ was awesome =]
and who do i ahve to thank? most likely FISHIE <3 *chu~*
at first.. it was gonna be a very bland day with lots of studying and
then dinner at the end with marie jeje and kum sin sang... but then~!
BUT THEN!!!
FISHIE MIKI KRIS HIME JON TOE KAKA popped by all of a sudden 
so~ as i'm at a lost for words.. if any of them.. ever seee this..
@___@.. THANK YOU!!! <3 for showing up! best presnt ever =]
i'll have you all know.. only.. and ONLY if you've been reading this
lol.. that i've had a reallie weird grin on my face all day =P even
though.. i was scratching my head likemad during my exam =P
anyhow! on a waaay insignificant note..
DOWN WITH ENGLISH final! only japjap left! =]
GoodLuck everyone!!!!
-jo~still grinning 
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| fishie: i dont make everything sound like food... =(... uh.. definately not your name either @___@
huhu: see.. not writing would mean even MORE christmas music.. so i think not writing is better =]
soooo .. with my crave over anime gone.. and my crave for piano..
lurking at the back of my head.. (mom's watching tv alllllll day so i
can't reallie go play =( ).... i've suddenly had the urge to doodle
again.. and it seems like.. my hands are cooperating.. but this time.
i' trying not to d it = = barely a success...
having the doodling pad out of my reach..and my new policy for no
dooding on idle papers anymore during exam time... i can't doodle
~ BUT... somehow.. another useless thing popped into my head = =
... coffee prince. i was told to watch it a few months ago.. and
recently some bunch of other people recommended it to me again.. and..
it's been at the back of my head since.. so i tried to look for the
first ep to watch whil i munched! but.. = = seems like most of my
sources are dead = =. it's either not uploaded... been deleted or
the link's gone = = pretttyyy sad!! so i got kinda pissed... but
at the same time.. is this reallie a time to be pissed at such a
trivial thing? no. come to think of it.. i've also started to
confuzzle my own head... i've picked up my magyk book again.. and
started from where i left off... it's a pretty good read i gotta say~
cant wait til break! i'm so getting the last book =P ... and whil i
wait for it to deliver.. i'll finish the second =P there're so
many books that are waiting for me to read.. and.. so many more i want
to read ~ i feel like a book worm =P but it's good to find myself back
into reading again~ there was a time.. i'd hated it. but i'm happy that
i've come to like it again =]
so! i went back to reading all those random files the prof sent us for
our asia 352 course... and.. oooooooh boy.. there's a lot = = i'm still
reading.. but.. just finished another file so i thought i'd munch on
dinner =] just finshed ~but before i go back to reading.. i thought i'd
update a little =] ... more like ramble =P
sooo.. apparently.. monkey's pretty worried about this exam too..
somehow makes me feeel a little more at ease when i knw i'm not the
only one panicking like crazy =P
but maaaaaan if only she'd have had a courseware or some handouts..
it'd be sooo much better .. ihate reading off the screen like this...
it's like reading.. a hugeass novel with the comp.. sucks... bigtime.
but anyhow anyhow... i shouldnt' dawdle too long.. i just hope ... i
can do alright tomolo and ... find a way to study for eng.. apparently
it's gonna be based on stuff we've done.. and the readings.. stuff
we've done.. fine. but.. readings??? aha.. aha.. = = you mean those ...
grammar books? aAHAHAHAAHAAH like HELL i'd read them = = so i
guess it's time to catch up with THAT stupidnesss. = = but that's
after tomolo's exam.. and then.. thurs... is when i get eng off my
mind... and then i can focus on jap. jap shouldn't be tooo time
constrained.. cuz i have a few days.. though there's a LOT.. to study =
= and.. do i know anything? no. .. dakedo..nantokanaru~ =P
after roughly one more week! !! then it's ...cleaning.. and sleeping.. and whatever else i wana do! X( ALMOOOST THERE!!!
for anyone who reads this and still has exams.. please teach me a way
to focus.. and stop wanting to carry out mission P...and... good luck
=]
dewadewa~
-jo out~!
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| huhu: reallie!?? hmmmm gota change that =]
poey: ... alrght alright *sulk*... i finished on time though! =] *phew*
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
let's see.. first....i am extremely proud to announce........ I
FINISHED 2 STUPID ESSAYS IN ONE NIGHT!!!! with a bit of napping in my
chair and drooling on books and all.. but all that aside.... ONE COURSE
DOWN!! =] ............ 3 to go = =
today~ during my studying.. *siiigh*.. i fell asleep again = =
pathetic... barely read anything... and i fell asleep.. all bc itwas
sooo hard to understand what the hell it was saying = = BUT after the
nap... it got a little productive =]
on another down side (there seem to be quite a bit of these
downsides...)... i'm back in myanime mood..>___< at one of the
worst timings ever!! but... *sigh* it's kinda under control.. kinda
wana doodle too. but my hand's not int he mood.. it's not doing very
well = = hate it when that happens.. i wanna do something.. but the
rest of my body wont carry it out properly.. ... for once though.. i'm
glad that it's not cooperatin.. cuz if i doodled now.. i'd be busted =
= .. so! not tooo much of a downnote =]
as to.. my main purpose of updating today =]
as many who know me know .... (that i know she knows he knows she knows
i know that ... uh...wrong thing *halo*) i hate it when it's overly
quiet and that i like listening to music when i study. as i'm
home alone most of the day now.. it's uber quiet given no one starts
shouting outside or no construction or trucks and whatever else... so i
play music! a few days ago during my massive essaying times.. i was in
rock mood.. with a slight hint of soft music... but mostly rock and
punk and metal and whatever else that got me hyped up....... but then
that soft hint.. was a weird addon... now that i think about it
@___@ anyhow!!!! today.. as i needed to reaaddd rock wouldn't do.. and
soft wouldn't do.. as i'd start lala-ing to it all.. not good at all !
the lyrics would pop up in front of my eyes and i'd totally be reading
the wrong thing even if i had the course material there = =
SO!!!! i started digging around for lyricless again! =] had some jazzy
christmass songs.. had some classical.... sme of this someof tat! but
then suddenly i rmemebered... YIRUMA!!! some korean pianist~ he's
got some prettty good tunes =] and~ if i just listen in myspare time...
it makes me think... music is amazing.
just listenng to songs with no lyrics.. makes me think of so many
things~ could be good could be bad.. but even the bad things
somehow come out in a softer tone~ it's something i'd like to fall
asleep to. hoping to dream of something pretty like it.
now come sthe question.... when.......... in all eternity... willl i be
able to play something so pretty? *sulllk* pretty doubtful...
somehow... *siigh* 
i mean... fur elise sounds like war, canon.. is like a race
or more like. by the end of it.. it makes me thinik 'i made it!!' = =
which.. just somehow.. doens't reallie strike me as quite the right
impression i'm supposed to have from that song................. and how
many years have i been playing??? i wonder iwonder i wonder..~ =]
and! with that out of my system...it's almsot time for bed!!! after i
read one more file of uncomprehensible-ism... = = *yawwwn* gonna see if
i can go see grandma tomlo.. i hope i can.. but.. so much to read  ....
wanna check out her arm to see if everythings alright again too..
*poik*.... bah! we'll seee if i even manage to get through that next
file!! so!! i leave you alll with a link to go and give yiruma a
try =]... made him sound like food all of a sudden @__@
http://nlc0r0bln.imeem.com/playlist/RcMeT64a/new_instrumental_music_yiruma_music_playlist/
-jo~ 
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| もう永い間にアップデートしなかったので、パスワードさえ忘れてちまったみたい～やっと覚えてきてよかったけど。。。ただ。。。信じらんねーんだと思った。。 ってか。。もう一年間書かなかったっけ？速いなあ～ UBCで勉強のは一年以上も経ったよね うん。。この一年間、いろんな事が起こったりしたけど。。もう一年が経ったなんて。。。速すぎじゃない？ 日本語も永い間にうってないよね。。もう打てないみたいにおそくなってきた。。だけど。。練習しなくちゃ。。だって試験もすぐでしょう？12月17日だけど。。この2週間全然日本語を使わなかったら。。全部忘れてちまう。 でも。。面倒から。。。やめる。日本語に対して。。中国語もあまり打ってないよね。。。。 ＋＿＿＿＋はぁ～いスイッチ！！！ 差不多一年沒到這裡update差一點就連pw都給忘了。 我的記性真的這麽懷嗎？ 今年過得真得很快。。都過了一年了。。從開學到現在我還是覺得現在才應該是在考midterm。。 不過我不是說我想多考幾個試哦~=P 只是覺得時間過得太快了而已 這一年來。。。我到底做了什麽？ 除了上課以外。。做了什麽呢。。。。？ 暑假！！ 暑假我又去打工哦！第一次去打工了。我去了a&w做cashier。。 那裏的人都對我很好。就連老闆和老闆娘都對我挺好的。可是我知道我不能呆在哪裏。可是除了上班我也做了很多別的事哦~ 我開始去學畫畫了！！我還終于找到我的major了 =] 這個學期。。我終于開始往畢業的路走了=] 什麽時候才能畢業呢。。我不喜歡讀大學。。。已經到了討厭的地步了。。。可是還有很長很長的路要走。。到底要走到哪裏。。。會再迷路嗎。。？ 其實我現在應該在寫作文。。（而且有兩份要寫 = =。）可是我真的不知道要寫什麽。。而突然記得有人叫我再到這裡來寫東西。。所以就來了~ 以前的我。。現在應該已經寫了一篇很長很長的entry吧~ 今天。。。就是什麽都寫不出來。。都是 “。。。” 算了。。 還是回去寫作文吧或許還是可以準時交這份死人東西吧 =I -jo~
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